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January 6, 1999

OBSERVATIONS ON A VERY COLD DAY

The first thing I noticed this morning was what looked like snow flakes on the hood and windshield of my car. It was not frost but rather flakes. Then next thing I noticed that it was brutally cold both in and out of the car. I started it up and let it run awhile to warm up.

I had slept late due to staying up to late watching a rather unremarkable football game. So this was the national championship game? It strikes me that both of these teams were lucky to be playing in the title game. Certainly the quality of some of the other bowl games was a lot higher.

My first observation that I made today was that they do not sell luggage in a Walmart located in rural Georgia. Do people not travel in these parts? This necesitated a trip of some twenty miles to a Super K-Mart where they do sell luggage.

I bought a garment bag on wheels. I have not been able to find the garment bag that I've had for a couple of years, but it did not have wheels. Airports require so much walking now that it is good to have baggage with wheels so I opted for the garment bag with wheels which hopefully will make it past the carry-on police.

I arrived back in town a little early for my haircut appointment (it beats sitting and waiting for ten people to get theirs cut) so I ventured into a rather strang store next to the haircut place called the Emporium.

It looked from the outside like a storehouse of unsold 60's merchandise. Tie dye shirts, lava lamps, Jimmy Hendrix posters and the widest variety of pipes (which a sign at the door informed me were only for tobacco) I have ever seen.

There were three people in the store. One guy had an Amish type beard was doing all the talking. He was a customer but clearly not Amish.

He wanted to know if the owner sold a certain chemical that would clean out a persons system eliminating all of the chemicals that the Government was injecting into our bodies to make us slaves. Well, I thought to myself that would explain those high Clinton approval numbers!

The owner who looked to be about 23 said that he did not have that particular chemical but he suggested several complex vitamins that he did have for sale or perhaps a lava lamp to stare at.

This led the companion of the Amish looking guy to reply, "No, the real conspiracy is that the Government is taking away our seeds. They keep feeding us seedless fruit so that eventually we will not be able to grow our own food."

"You see," he said to them, "what started out as supposed scientific advancement, navel oranges and such is really a plot to take away our ability to feed ourselves."

It struck me as the perfect rural farm community conspiracy. I could only imagine that the proprietor will be hitting the seed catalogue this afternoon and stocking up with a soon to be hot comodity when the word gets out.

It was time to leave and to get my hair cut and beard trimmed. The latter was definitely inspired by the Amish looking fellow.

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