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November 17, 1998

Who am I?

It probably comes from seeing a movie like "Meet Joe Black" on your birthday, the questions that is. But whatever the reason they come.

Like "Who are you?" or "What is your name?"

Now you would think a 40 year old man who has spent most of his adult life in intense introspection would know the answer to those two questions, but I have to admit I am not so sure.

If you came up to me at a party and asked, "Excuse me I don't believe we've met. Who are you?" I would probably look at you with a blank stare.

Perhaps it comes from listening to David Allan Coe too much. He knows who he is. He's David Allan Coe. He reminds anyone who doesn't know that every few minutes or in every other song that he sings. But he also keeps changing who David Allan Coe is. At first he was the Mysterious Rhinestone Cowboy, then he was the ex-con who had killed a man in prison and about the same time a self-proclaimed longhaired redneck. Next was an Outlaw like Willie and Waylon, a Texan not accepted by the Nashville elite. From there he was a biker, flipping off the establishment. Next he was a Mormon with three wives. After his wives left him he was "Just Divorced." But throughout it all he was still David Allan Coe whoever Coe really is.

I use to introduce myself as Father Michael Dubruiel; it rolled off of my tongue like it was one word. After that my students addressed me as Mr. Dubruiel, which always seemed a little strange to me. Now I'm just Michael Dubruiel. Thankfully no titles are used anymore.

But who is Michael Dubruiel?

I have a list of what I've done and where I've been on my homepage. But that is about what I've done and where I've been all of which has shaped me but isn't who I am. I have another link to a my birthday that kind of gives a profile of what I'm like, but again I'm not sure that says anything about who I am.

I am someone that feels deeply. I hate thinking that people are angry with me because I have never had the intention of hurting anyone. I can be open, but I can also shut down.

Who am I when I shut down? That is a good question. Sometimes I feel that I am someone who is unsure about my environment and when I shut down I'm taking a survey of all that is around me and wondering who I can trust.

But then none of that answers the question. I'll come back to this again.


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